5 Ways to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Stop Comparing

We all do it – we look at another person and compare ourselves to them. Whether we are looking at their weight, their appearance, their lifestyle or their family, we are constantly judging others and measuring ourselves up against what we see.

In most circumstances this is a destructive and largely unhelpful thing to practice. Whether we see ourselves as ‘better than’ or ‘worse than’ doesn’t really matter, because either way end up feeling either superior or ‘less than’.

But how about we take that natural instinct of comparison and turn it into something helpful? Here are some ways we can do it:

  1. Remind ourselves that we only see a part of what’s going on: even though that mum at the shop looks fabulous, she might be panicking on the inside because her maternity leave is coming to an end and she doesn’t have a childcare place. We don’t know what is happening at any particular moment in other people’s lives (unless they tell us!), so as the saying goes ‘don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to somebody else’s highlight reel.’
  2. Be thankful for what you have: one of the most accepted ways of gaining contentment in our lives is by developing an attitude of gratitude. You can do this in various ways, such as writing in a gratitude journal, or making a goal to tell three people every day what you appreciate about them.
  3. Admire and encourage people: If you find yourself making a comparison, why not compliment the person? Make their day by hearing some encouraging words from you! And then you might be able to:
  4. Ask people for their input and help: Okay, back to that mum who always looks fabulous. Why not ask her how she manages to get her hair styled, or where she shops because you admire her style? Most people love sharing their experiences and knowledge, and you might make a new friend, too!
  5. Use comparisons to evaluate your own values: Use the opportunity of comparisons to evaluate your own values and decisions. Remember, you don’t have to ‘keep up’ with everyone else: you (and your significant other) make the decisions about what is best for your children and your family. And when you’ve made your choice, you can confidently live your life in line with your values and priorities!

Comparisons often bring discontent or discouragement. The antidote is to use comparisons helpfully is to improve ourselves and to build up others. We need to keep working on our own ‘inner world’ which includes our self-talk and our judgements of others.

Sometimes the best way to do this is to take some time to redefine what it would mean to us to feel secure and successful, especially with all the changes that motherhood constantly brings to our lives. The free mini-course ‘Create Your New Success Story’ walks you through a process to discover what success means for you today! Sign up below and get started on the journey of creating your own success!

About The Author


Tanya lives in Canberra with her husband and two sons. She is passionate about helping women to live fulfilled, purposeful lives. She enjoys reading, cooking, craft and creating memorable moments for her family.


  • Sandra

    Reply Reply 20/07/2016

    I agree that gratitude is the key here. Thank you for your insights. I think we often get caught up in comparing our today to someone else’s yesterday – what I mean is we unfairly compare our current situation, say in our professional life, to someone who has been at it a lot longer than we have.

    • Tanya

      Reply Reply 21/07/2016

      You’re right, Sandra! We need to see what we can learn from others, and give to others, rather than comparing ourselves!

  • Jyotsna

    Reply Reply 20/07/2016

    An all-time useful life lesson..great post!

  • Such a beautiful reminder!! Thank you!

  • Kelly

    Reply Reply 03/08/2016

    A great reminder.i often get caught up in comparing myself to others.

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